❉ We continue with our reviews of ‘American Horror Story: Roanoke’. BEWARE SPOILERS.
This is the one we all have been waiting for.
‘My Roanoke Nightmare’, the actual in-universe television show, is a critical and commercial success. The producer, Sidney James (If you’re English that’s hilarious) played by Cheyenne Jackson, naturally wants a follow up.
Go back to the Mott House and bring all the cast AND real life subjects together in it. That’s not all folks! They’ll be staying in the house for a weekend over the Dying Grass Moon cycle.
If anyone here doesn’t know how this will all end, please raise your hand. No one? Moving on.
After convincing the studio that it will work, Sidney goes on to assemble his cast together.
Shelby Miller, who can walk just fine, has broken up with Matt. The trauma they experienced has torn them apart. It also doesn’t help that she had a fling with Dominic Banks; the actor who played her husband on the show. Shelby, being the long shot to sign up for programme, says she will do in hopes to reconcile with Matt. As long as Dominic Banks (Cuba Gooding, Jr.) is not involved in it. Sidney lies and says he won’t be there.
Lee has a book deal over her experiences, however the public at large believes she did murder Mason. She signs up to the show to clear her name.
Meanwhile, Sidney and his crew are preparing the house for the reality show. They’ve added hidden cameras everywhere, but also since they don’t actually believe in the ghosts, they’ve put in some tricks. Shaking sinks, exploding ovens, flying drawers, and the video of what I assume was the real Elias to pop up on the TV to scare the guests.
On the property Sidney finds a circle of dead fetal pigs, so naturally he goes to visit Agnes Mary Winstead. She played the Butcher on the show. Through a surprise reveal we find out Agnes has gotten a bit too involved in her role. In Los Angeles she had walked down the street, in costume and attacked some people. She had gotten obsessed. Apparently through some treatment, she has recovered. Sidney, however, does not buy it and sets up a meeting under false pretenses to serve her a restraining order from the production. Naturally, she’s pissed and starts acting like The Butcher all over again. As she lives only a couple of miles from the Mott House site in North Carolina, Sidney doesn’t expect her to stay away.
In comes Audrey Tindall, the sweet English actress who found love on the set of ‘My Roanoke Nightmare’. You see, she fell in love with Rory Monahan, boy toy extraordinaire. They naturally agreed to come back to the house, because they are actors desperate for the publicity and they want to have a romantic getaway.
Later on, through an exchange with a studio executive and Sidney, we learn that Monet Tumusiime, who played Lee in the series, has become alcoholic due to her playing the part. Not only that, but Sidney is going to try to get the real Lee to confess to the murder of Mason on film.
Despite an “accident” back at the house, where one of the film crew is beheaded, Sidney decides to keep the production going, but his assistant Diana is not having it. She was sceptical of the fakes scares, but now with the pork circles and a crew member dead she leaves in frustration.
Through her dash cam, we see her driving away from the house, until she stops in the road. She sees a Colonial dressed woman out in the distance and drives on, only for the Pig Man to pop out behind her seat and kill her.
A screen caption tell us that the police found the dash cam footage 3 months later. Diana’s body however, was not found.
The victims, er, I mean, the guests of the Mott House start piling in. First the love birds Audrey and Rory, who get a shock from a window from someone who looked awfully like Agnes. We come to find out that in LA, Agnes terrorised Audrey at her own home because she had won an award Agnes wanted. This bodes well.
Then in comes the ‘Reals’ (as we’ll call them from here on.) Basically, they’re all mad at each other. A little bit of infighting. Eventually they all break off into their own little factions.
The actors think the house isn’t haunted. They filmed there for a month and nothing happened. Matt comes in and asks when did they film it? They reply that was in the summer. Matt says that they should perhaps look out the window. There the blood red Dying Grass moon is in full regalia.
Then we are released a bit more information about what we are seeing.
All the actors in the production died under mysterious circumstances, except for one…
The footage was never shown.
Whilst this is creepy, it yet again kills the tension. We don’t need to know how many die. They are in haunted house! We know they’re not all making it out alive! Now I can’t root for anyone. Dammit.
Back in the footage, Dominic finally arrives and gets into a fight with Matt. Audrey goes upstairs for a bath with the Pig Man. Fortunately, she runs away. Unfortunately, Rory goes up to investigate thinking it’s a trick that Sidney has orchestrated and he is murdered by the Murder Nurses.
Matt, downstairs, takes a photo of the living room wall.
The blood red ‘MURDE’ is back on the wall. This time with a ‘R’.
Matt informs the group of this.
Idiots. Dead idiots.
❉ I was for a second thinking we might get to meet the real actor who played Cricket and he would stay in the house but alas.
❉ I kick myself for not recognising that someone had a name beginning with a ‘R’.
❉ Poor Evan Peters. Only two episodes. We salute you and your bum.
❉ Who’s showing us this footage? Who are we watching it with? Studio executives? Lady Gaga in the root cellar?
❉ Did Lee really kill her husband? I didn’t think so before…but….it’s not impossible. The shot with burnt Mason walking behind her was very well done.
❉ I’m sorry but when you think someone is upstairs investigating the Pig Man. Could you go perhaps show a bit more concern? Maybe even stay by the stairs until Rory says it’s okay? Maybe even send someone else up. Not all pile up in the kitchen for a but of nosh. The Reals should know better.
❉ Sidney is so dead. Him and his crew. Just. Very dead.
It’s a fun twist, but it was the most predictable. I guessed it would end up revolving around the actors and the filming of it. I think it would’ve worked better if it landed either in the 3rd or 4th episode. Entirely too much padding in those episodes. The tension has been cut again. No one to root for, they’re all going to end up dead. This has taken a lot of fun away from this. I’m really questioning some creative decisions this year.
❉ The most likely survivor is Shelby. She’s got final girl written all over her.
❉ Also, could be Lee, but only because she could get the blame for all the killings.
❉ Speaking of blame, I’d bet good money Agnes is possessed by The Butcher. And she might get the blame for all this. Poor Agnes.
So….3 episodes of people running around getting senselessly slaughtered and then one final episode that’s supposed to be a coda.
❉ ‘American Horror Story: Roanoke’ airs in the US on Wednesdays at 10pm on FX, and in the UK on Fridays at 10pm on Fox UK.