❉ We continue with our reviews of ‘American Horror Story: Roanoke’. BEWARE SPOILERS.
Cricket Marlowe RIP, 19?? – 2016
“Have you ever heard of the term ‘Gay for pay’?”
Cricket, we hardly knew you. ‘American Horror Story’ sometimes can be quite cruel to the characters you love, but I’m afraid that’s the name of the game.
Shelby and Matt are stalked by Pig Man through the house, until an axe goes through it’s head. Hey-O. Meet Elias (Denis O’Hare) from the basement Pig Man video and the root cellar video. (Jesus, this guy is like a walking Blockbuster). He also had an axe, so I like Elias. He’s owned the house since he stayed in all that time ago. He’s kept it empty and has been researching what exactly has been going on there for people’s safety and for a book. Probably mostly for the book. That is until his money was low, and the bank put the house on the market. He tells Matt & Shelby of some of the house’s past occupants. Three hunters lived in the house and they all blew their heads off. A Japanese family, who lived in the house in the ‘70s, end up with similar fates. And of course, everyone’s favourite Murder Nurse’s who got a bit…eh…disarmed.
Elias, the walking exposition of DOOM reveals that he has talked to the ghosts. You see, it’s the Dying Grass Moon cycle in October where the veil between the dead and the living is thin. Not only that, but Elias says he can show them where Flora is. Sure as shit, there she is in the middle of the woods, blindfolded, during the day, no less. She’s surrounded by what appears to be all the victims of the house. Elias wants to talk to Priscilla, the Phantom Kidnapper, into handing over Flora since she knows him. Things don’t quite go to plan when the group gets besieged by Indians (?) and Elias takes more than the daily recommended dosage of arrows.
Matt & Shelby run back home only to find a Cricket in the house. After the previous night’s rendezvous with the ghosts to barter for the girl, Cricket went back out that same night to reason with the Butcher again, but she wasn’t having it. So Cricket armed only with his walking stick, some sass and a murderous hankering for Coke Zero, goes out in the woods to try again.
Hours pass, and Cricket returns with quite a story to tell. In the woods he came across Witchy Poo (Lady Gaga). She blinds him with some magic powder and is about to kill him, until he says he wants to appeal to her “needs of a woman”.
So he gave her Matt.
Figuratively. And for that, the Witch showed him the origins of the Colony. She was the Butcher’s guide and advisor after she sold her soul to her. They had human sacrifices to keep the crops prosperous. That went well until yet again the colonists rebelled against the Butcher. They did not want to worship her pagan god, but instead go back to the one true ‘God’. She plays along with this and fakes repentance then in honour of that she holds a feast where she proceeds to poison and hack the lot of them.
Cricket leaves Matt & Shelby to go get preparations for the night and he calls an Uber. Whilst coming onto the driver, Flora runs in front of the car and off into the woods. Cricket gets out and goes after her. Through a talking head interview with the Uber driver we find out that Cricket never came back to the car and he left him there.
Back at the house, Matt is compelled to the root cellar. There he finds the Witch being seductive. Candles and all that jazz. They make love and she mentally tell him of her true origins. Quite a multitasker she is. The witch was an English girl. She was to be burned at the stake because it was thought women were bad luck for seafaring. Fortunately she has a knife and slaughters everyone. She then proceeds to put on a set of antlers and run off into the woods to play Evil Bambi.
Now while this is all going on Shelby is at the house and sees the ghostly mob surround the place with two in tow; Flora and Cricket. Thankfully, Flora is snatched up by Matt as he runs back to the house having broke from the Witch’s trance.
Not so thankfully, Cricket is disemboweled and I died a little on the inside.
❉ Did you catch that little Season Four reference? A Mott had built the house, and that’s just dandy.
❉ No Angela Bassett this week. Tis a pity.
❉ Cheyenne Jackson and Evan Peters are also M.I.A.
❉ 40 minute long episode yet again. This week seemed a bit longer, thankfully to having some story progression, but I can’t help feel that all the episodes have a bit shortchanged because the REAL story starts after episode 6. This feels just like it’s (barely) killing time.
❉ Kathy Bates is just a miserable bitch in this one. Yikes.
Another pretty good episode, but the show is not great. The talking heads, the sad, basically pathetic (and at this point, a tad annoying) leads and just a general lack of tension still bites at the heels of the show. I pegged Cricket for death since his first appearance and yep. I was right. We already have a formula. Though this episode feels like a penultimate bow, so we might not be having to deal with this same situation shortly.
❉ ‘American Horror Story: Roanoke’ airs in the US on Wednesdays at 10pm on FX, and in the UK on Fridays at 10pm on Fox UK.